She's Even British!

Mommmm, I want oneeeee.

Mormons Making The Best Of Celibacy

Yahoo News - While the nuclear crisis in Japan unfolds a continent away, Mormon-dominated communities in the western United States say the disaster overseas is bringing close to home a lesson about preparing for the worst. Emergency planning and the long-term storage of food, water and medical supplies are central practices by the 14 million worldwide members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

Are they stupid? First of all, Mormon-based communities in Utah and Idaho which is, I don't know, 400 miles from the coast. Second, what's the point of surviving a tsunami if you can't have pre-marital sex? I guess they'll be laughing when i'm dead and they're chowing down on vegetable roots or whatever Mormon's eat. I always get confused between Mormon's and Amish people. Whatever. Jimmer is living the high life right now, gettin so much head and he's all set for when a tsunami travels 400 miles into the heart of the U.S. We'll all be dead in 50 years anyway, so fuck it. Love that picture by the way.

Shaq Daddy Goes Down; C's Win

ESPN BOSTON - Shaquille O'Neal made his long-awaited return to the lineup, joining the Boston Celtics for their game against the Detroit Pistons on Sunday. But the big guy's reappearance ended almost as soon as it began.

Forty-nine seconds into the second quarter -- and into his sixth minute of action -- O'Neal came up limping while running up the floor on a Boston possession, clearly favoring the right foot which had given him so much trouble the last two months...

Well, looks like Shaq's gonna have more time to pose as more statues, or maybe do some work on the script of Kazaam 2. Seriously though, the same day he gets back, he goes down. I feel like Shaq's the kid on the team who joins for the varsity jacket and spends weeks icing an ankle in the trainers office just because the school's trainer has a nice rack. But besides that he just can't stay healthy. Between the Sox last year and the Celtics this year, injuries are just killing Boston teams. But hey, Pierce and Garnett both scored over 20 and the C's pulled out a nice little victory over a shitty Pistons team. All about 18.

Bringin' The Heat in Africa

Yahoo News - The violent madness that engulfs Egyptian and Algerian footballing relations exploded yet again, this time during Saturday's African Champions League match between Egpyt's Zamalek and Tunisia's Club Africain.

NBC's The Office - Michael to Toby: What do you know about conflict resolution? Your answer to everything is to get divorced. 

 Is this the Egyptians' solution to everything now? They're almost as one-track-minded as Toby Flenderson. Fuckin' riots? If you ask me, the Egyptians are pretty damn spoiled that they think they can just get whatever they want by stampeding. I mean, it worked in The Lion King, but give me a break. Seriously.

India Wins 2011 Cricket World Cup

Cool

Looks Like 2012 is Closer Than We Think...

CNN.com - Prepare yourself for one of the more ridiculous phrases seen on CNN.com:

Yesterday, April 2, was International Pillow Fight Day.

Yep, it's true. People around the world came out to public parks and squares to participate in the feather-fueled free-for-all. And iReporters across the globe documented the phenomenon.

Well, I hope you've packed your bags, cus I have. Moving to the moon. At first I thought this was just in Europe, but then I realized it spread all over and even in the States. I guess this is the beginning of the end for the human race. International pillow fights? Like really? What's next? I don't even wanna think about it, but all I know is that it's a sad day for dignity everywhere.

PS - That guy at the minute mark is in it to win it. Like even I know that this isn't actually the end of the world and that it's a joke. Braveheart over there wants the MVP. Clean yourself up, bro.

Keeper's Creeper

Fox Sports - Fulham unveiled a statue of Michael Jackson outside its stadium on Sunday, with team chairman Mohamed Al Fayed telling fans to support another Premier League club if they don't like the idea. Al Fayed, who was close friends with Jackson, danced with children after unveiling the statue of the "King of Pop" before Fulham's home match against Blackpool.

Where the fuck do I start. Is Fulham trying to give me stuff to blog about? First of all, the gaul of this owner (whose name is wayyy too close to the boxing great's) to tell his fans to find another Premier League team if they don't like the statue. Please. Like a soccer team can afford to lose the seven fans have. Second, what in gods name does Michael Jackson have to do with soccer? On second thought, he was white, had long hair, and became more of a pussy with age, but that aside, he has no place outside a soccer stadium. Lastly, in true Michael Jackson fashion, this Mohamed Ali creep "danced with children after unveiling the statue." C'mon bro. I liked MJ better when he was a little black guy. Like Bruce Willis says, things were much cleaner in the 70's.

P.S.-Michael either needs to put on the other glove or be a normal person and show us his hands. Make up your mind.